Wait, hold the phone! Who the hell is this
guy? Was I replaced? If you’re wondering, the guy with the shocked expression on his face is me. The name’s Barry O’Tool… Two days ago things were going great for
me, I had a nice house, a fancy car, and my favorite of all, a paying job working as a blackjack dealer. Then the unthinkable happened. It has come to my attention, that you’re fired! I was tossed out on my ass because I
dressed way too eccentrically. WHAT? Why that smug prick, what the fuck is that
bastard’s problem? Well guess what? It’s time for revenge and those casino
fucktards ain’t gonna know who hit them. And you know why? Yep, because I’m a
fucking strawberry! After eating a bad batch of expired strawberries I’m now
immortal. What? Expecting some crazy over-explained origin story that takes up two thirds of the movie? Sorry pal, not in this popcorn
flick. The names Mr. Strawberry… What? Mr. Strawberry? That’s the best you guys could come up with? Alright, no, no, no, we’re doing something else.
The names Tool, REDTOOL! The new Avenger, ah ha ah,
just kidding. Could you imagine? Disney would have to censor me, right Tony? Alright, that’s enough screen time Stark! You had your chance to shine, now it’s my
turn. I’m fixin’ to rob the casino, first I need a bit of money to get started. What
better way than to hit the Pacific Standard Bank, right? Well then a viral video leaked online, I’ve now become some sort of an internet sensation. People are wanting to join me, so I did the only rightful thing anyone would do in this
situation. Yep! I started my own fan club, though
only two people joined. There’s Ms. Sour Lemon who lost over 300 thousand to the
same casino. She’s just as spunky as me and wants the casino to burn just as much as I do. Then there’s my hired bodyguard Chunk, the less said about him the better.
Together we will take down the Diamond Casino and make them pay for all the
trouble they caused us, one bullet at a time. We’re not a group of superheroes,
we’re the guys who show up before the superheroes even get their spandex on.
Cue the epic trailer music! *Shock* That’s a cute baby, I’m so sorry ma’am! Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck, stop, stop, stop, stop, the
epic trailer music! What? What, what Happened? I got fuckin’ berry juice in my eye!
Holy shit, that looks painful! Yeah you think? I think it might be infected! Can I Touch it? REDTOOL! Opens this Friday Stop shooting, you Stanley Ipkiss looking motherfucker! No! And The Mask was green you moron. Seriously Stop! You shouldn’t shoot at a guy who’s colorblind. Come on, really?